Contradictions

I found a new kool band, "Deadsy". I like very much, props to Karl for getting me onto them. Im so bored tonight, Im not doing anything and therefore am just getting annoyed and down. It became apparent to me tonight that I have no real passion about much anymore, I feel no excitement about something which I can talk about to people, It's like these days I go to work and then just waste away the rest of my time. Don't mean to get all depressive and stuff but thats how it is and so say when im talking to someone and they ask what ive been up to all i really have to say is working.. how boring. I know that i should'nt focus on this too much because what you focus on you attract to you and all that mumbo jumbo but I don't see how I can be happy in my current state of duldremness (if thats how its spelt)

Why does my mind have to impose so many rules on everything. I hate it. Okay none of this no no.. like like. Lets pick this up and get it moving on a positive vibe. I want to live my life more like Ferris Beuller, with confidence and belief alone. I need to do some mind hacking and change some of my self imposed "rules". It's so possible, all about looking at things differently. I think staks about all of this sorta stuff but I don't like to give that away too much because I don't like the whole image of being into "psychology". I tend to think that people who are most interested in these things are interested because they want to find the answers to their own personal problems and what not, and so its more self-orientated as opposed to others-orientated. I can see an element of this in myself as much as I'd like to believe It wasnt true, however I think that I tend to think about this stuff more from the perspective of trying to understand and relate to people better, as opposed to trying to fix my percieved personal problems. I would never study these things because I think It's something you learn from life and life is meant for living, experiencing, feeling.. not for over analysation of these things. I am in no way condoning thinking, thinking alot is the difference between a smart and dumb person. However a common trait and this may be a generalisation, of the textbook "intelligent" person is that the intelligent person mostly always thinks they are right, this in my opinion is dumb and if I see an "intelligent" person who is certain that they are always right then I don't think they are really that smart at all because they do not see the whole picture, only the picture they allow themselves to see. For this reason I don't really care if people perceive me as dumb because I know Im not and dont really have anything to prove to anyone, well in ways i can be dumb but I mean we all have strengths and weaknesses right.

Its all about seeing the whole picture and seeing the whole picture involves seeing things from others shoes. I would like to say Im living out these theories to my fullest but it is so not the case, my life, thoughts and actions are a whole bunch of contradictions and I am very aware of this fact. Anyway, these have been my ramblings. Im outta here!

Posted by Nathan Kowald @ 10:25 PM