Stuff

This new thing of setting alarm for 7:00am every morning is not working for me. Used to set alarm for 7:30 that was perfect. Alarm rings, instantly awake, get up without any thought, shower. 7:00am Alarm rings, still tired, thought, wake up at 8:00pm, crap 15 mins to shower, eat and get up.

My perceptions were askew today, blurred by feeling not thought. I get annoyed sometimes when I have to alter my tone of voice or delivery to get certain outcomes. Oh If i say it like this im going to get this response dammit that unnedging, unnatural and annoying having to stop and have to think about how I should say something. Its like when you say something in a tone of voice which says "Im an idiot" you get the response in one way or another yes you are an idiot. Automatic responses of people on auto pilot. This is the automatic response of the majority of people its just annoying when on days when delivery is hard to control it means having to stop and that stops the flow. The thing I hate about this is someone might ask me something like "has this job been done?". I think has it been done?, I honestly can't remember, oh shit I "should" remember this, this person is going to think i have a bad memory, huge emotion which blocks out all thought, my response will be fueled by this overwhelming thought/feeling of "Dammit i cant remember, sorry" and this will be delivered with the feeling of why the hell cant i remember, im an idiot. This in turns gets a mirrored response of gees your forgetfull, which then completes the circle of "oh i must be forgetfull". I get annoyed that people automatically mirror my response without trying to understand where I'm coming from, especially if judgements are made... It's like nooooo, your not understanding the whole picture.

One thing Ive learned from dreaming everynight and remembering them is that perception is everything. In dreams especially it is all about how you percieve a situation, you alter your perceptions, your whole dream reality changes to suit that perception. Let me give you an example. You are dreaming about say walking in town, you are overwhelmed by fear and expect something bad to happen to you, it does. Or on the other end of the spectrum, you are dreaming about something, you just know something will happen or know if you do something it will result in something good and because of this perception it does. I guess you could call this expectation also. You get what you expect. In "real" life this is also the case. Have you ever in some point of your life thought something like oh im such a a loser i suck and therefore because you think this, people treat you like it. Or say are like really afraid in general and bad things happen to you. I have noticed these things and therefore now consciously make an effort to block out being afraid of things because bad things will only result from being in this state. Like attracts like.

This post has made things clearer in my head and this is why i blog.

Posted by Nathan Kowald @ 6:10 PM