Some thoughts while I put off reading either one of the 3 books I should probably be reading right now.
You know that book, "Everybody Poops", well the other week and then again today I decided that I want to create my own book called "Everybody Fucks". This idea is very stimulating for me as it would give me an opportunity to draw pictures of humans and animals in the act of intercourse and satirise the childrens' book at the same time. It would be nice to show people. Hey, check this out... a dog fucking. I find animal sex extremely funny. I love watching animals act like humans for some reason. This book would also portray the honest truth that everything fucks, or has sex whether it be for pleasure or reproduction. It would also be educational, i honestly do not know and cannot imagine right now how say 2 cats have sex? I have never seen two cats have sex. To draw this picture I would need to find out. I find things a lot easier and more motivating when there is some sort of emotionally charging element involved. Creativity flows freely from intense emotions. You are not worried about how you are going to do things or if the end result would even be any good, instead you take things step by step, letting emotion or an emotionally stimulating idea guide your hand or mind and things just work.
Fuck is such a strong word. This is the second blog post which has used the word fuck. I think it is important to have words that can create such a big emotional response, it meets a need, it expressed some very strong emotion which other words may fail to describe. If people get offended by its use or instantly form an opinion or impression of what the writer is probably like based entirely on the use of this word it shows lack of thought on their part. If used constantly it may portray a low-life character and so I think it should be used sparingly as when it is used, it packs a punch... or something, i dunno.
There is so much to learn. For example, I was driving home today and felt the initial stages of a pimple forming on my upper lip. Hmmm i wonder if pressing on it has any effect on the developing pimple or if it does nothing? I could not logically work out if either would be the case as I had no basis for developing a conclusion. I assumed it probably would have no effect. It would be nice to be certain on things like this.
9-5 work life is so different from school life. I feel I had an upper hand in school, now I feel the opposite. I miss school in many respects. The amount of people there were to study and observe was great, the constant learning, there were still topics that were taboo that you could laugh about with your friends, there were rules, there were teachers who were a whole other world, there was many friends to muck around with. 9-5 work does not provide this variety and I feel a lack because of it. I hate routines, the same thing everyday... ughhhh.. it really, really annoys me. I often think about how I could make each day exciting, like each day would have some sort of exciting thing to look forward to. Monday's could be ughhh I don't know... take out night.. that was so unimaginative... take out night.... another sign of becoming older.
I have not used my Nintendo DS in weeks now. I don't ever feel the need to but at the same time I am sad as it is "going to waste" oh how joyous were the first few weeks of our union. Brain Training when there were still unlocked games, it was so enjoyable to pick you up and take out the stylus and write upon your screen.
Tonight I found the greatest party album of all time.
My brother handed me a CD from a friend of his, "Girl Talk - Night Ripper".
I put it on whilst making tacos tonight and It made me lose my shit. Here is a short description of Girl Talk, taken from their last.fm artist page.
Pittsburgh's Greg Gillis is arguably the nation's hottest mash-up DJ; at least, he's the best-reviewed one. His albums are more like party mixes and are crammed with enough samples (both left-field and top-forty) to keep music nerds at rapt attention. It's more than just geekery, though; this guy drops serious bangers.
It's all true. Best mash-ups my ears have ever heard! This is the ultimate party CD. It's the ultimate, "put this on whilst getting ready to go out" CD. Listening to it, whilst making tacos I could not help but dance around in my kitchen, you can not fight it. It samples classic hip hop mainly but also include other "classics" from many genre's. Hearing Pixies "Where is my mind" mashed up with Nas' "You can hate me now"... amazing.. it works so well. Far out.. I want to go party to this CD now. Lots of classic songs feature in this CD, so many times I was all.. "oh man, gotta find that song again".. or "I forgot about that song!" yeah :). It's like all the best riffs, club bangers, hooks, beats and lyrics you know and love mashed together by a street wise bright-eyed adolescent with off the charts A.D.D. Your attention span is what 5 seconds at most? No problem, most songs snippets are like 5 seconds, well maybe a bit more but the point I am making is it is a record for the attentionally challenged. Even the piano line from "California" - the OC anthem makes an appearance in amongst it all. Another example of a mash-up you might not think would work but kills is Biggy's "Juicy" mashed up with "Elton John - Tiny Dancer". Haha you don't see it coming and then it comes and your all like whaaaaaa? wow. daymmnnn.
So if you are having a party soon and have no idea what to play, get this CD and your party is guaranteed to be a hit. *note* A liking for hip hop is probably required.
A friend of mine (you know who you are) who is always on top of good new music recently told me about how the new Klaxons album, "Myths of the near future" was leaked online recently.
I got it and listened to it and it is GREAT! I was in love with whatever Klaxons song I heard before namely "Atlantis To Interzone" which by the way makes a great ringtone ;), "Gravitys Rainbow", "Totem on the Timeline", "The Bouncer" and then most recently what i guess is the latest single from this album, "Golden Skans" another love at fist listen song (the film clip is great too - posted below). So I was very excited to hear about this. The album is soooo good! I really, really like it alot. It all comes together, all elements in music that I really love at the moment are captured in this band. Eary 90's dance/rave, solid thick audible bass, great fast drums, electronic elements, extremeties in both bass & treble, pop goodness and sci-fi themed lyrics :) The Klaxons are another one of those great, great total package bands. So stylish and ahead in terms of fashion, music video's and art. All ticks. In the new album they cover what is probably my most favourite 90's dance song ever, "Grace - Not Over Yet" :) I am so getting this album when it comes out January 29th 2007, through Polydor.
My fave songs from the album are: "Two Receivers" "Atlantis To Interzone" "Golden Skans" "Gravity's Rainbow" "It's Not Over Yet" "Magick"
All songs are good though, these ones I just keep going back to for now.
This picture for example. This shit makes me jelous, excited, inspired... so many emotions at once... Guy in middle... New Balance's ... check... guy on right... black nike shoes... omg.. want want... bright colours.... art.. yes
I was making salad tonight and this asian guy who was probably 22 stopped just outside my window and stared at me. I knew who he was, he was a sales guy for Optus, I had seen him on parking my car, seen him try to get an old man in my appartment complex to switch to Optus... the old guy didn't want a bar of it! :)P I love watching the dynamics between a door to door salesperson and a home owner. They have so much initial defenses to break through. I don't know why they even are still around. I hate door to door salesmen, they are all script no humanity. Anyway so this Asian guy is staring at me through my window, he is like trying to get my attention and maybe get me to usher him in to my back door (no pun intended) which is blocked off. I didn't want a bar of it so I stared blankly at him for a while whilst he kept walking past, then came back for a bit trying for eye-contact, then walked on.... then came back again! I kid you not, he did not know what to do.... uncomfortable. I had already rehearsed my script if he came to my door. I would say, no, we don't have a phone line. I would say, we are moving in two weeks. I would tell him that he is wasting his time with me in a round-about way. No script needed after his walk by window antics.
I should be in bed now, it's 12:25AM and I have to get up earlier tomorrow for work breakfast but I keep getting distracted by Digg articles. I re-arranged my room tonight so it's now easier to watch tv and watch vids from my computer. hooray.
There was something else I was gonna blog about. Oh yeah, have been watching The Office - US version and it's actually growing on me. I like it now. The first episode sucked and didn't motivate me to watch any more. It was the same script as the english first ep but lacked the understated british delivery. American comedy lacks subltety I thought. After watching 5 eps I have grown to like it. Especially the Gareth character, Dwight. He's great.
I just read a great article about a girl with Asperger's Syndrome titled, "The Girl With a Boy's Brain". Why was it great? well I love articles or people who express ideas which i think myself, they may say something and I will light up inside, Oh my god! that's exactly how I feel. Also this article gives me lots to think about.
Here is the start of the article:
Kiriana Cowansage can run complex neuroscience experiments and sketch beautiful portraits. She melts at the sight of an animal, but she balks at the concept of love. Such paradoxes define women with Asperger's syndrome. (full article here)
Here are my favourite parts from the article:
Kiriana's similar strategy amounts to remembering and rehearsing scripts. When she walks into a clothing shop, for example, she pulls up a mental dialogue box: "No thanks, I'm just looking," is what one should say if a saleswoman offers help.
Around that same time, she developed a feverish curiosity about the medical experimentation the Nazis conducted during the Holocaust. "All my obsessions related to something profoundly catastrophic," she says. "I have a really hard time feeling emotionally aroused. Brutal, violent, scary things were interesting to me because that was the best way to feel something."
When a psychiatrist finally pulled the pieces together and diagnosed her with Asperger's, the label alone resolved a lifelong identity crisis. The diagnosis was the only one that reconciled, as she puts it, her special talent for being smart and stupid at the same time. "In this very small world of Asperger's," she says, "that's normal."
She tries to remind herself that as neuroscientists, her colleagues are particularly likely to understand that her brain is wired differently. Besides, she says, "It's a profession where everyone is a bit odd."
At the moment, Kiriana is combining her current fascinations for science, writing, and drawing as she translates a textbook on neurodevelopment into metaphorical scenes. One page of her sketchbook shows two rivers, labeled the "dorsal" and "ventral" streams, along which undifferentiated cells migrate to their destinations. Sharks in the water represent inhibitors to cell development. The project is time consuming, but it's the best way she's found for mastering complex ideas.
Kiriana's never taken an art class, though her drawings are sophisticated and beautiful. Her spatial orientation problems don't extend to her ability to imagine objects and render them on the page. "To me, art is a part of science, of observation—it's finding the details that define an object."
When a friend is upset, she can give advice if she can relate to the dilemma.
"While there are many people who certainly matter to me, I'm not sure I can qualitatively summarize whether or not that constitutes love," she says. She doubts she could ever fall in love.
For as long as she can remember, she's had a need for rational understanding, to take things apart to know how they're put together. That kind of thinking has helped her become an ace science student, a precise artist, a forceful writer
I really really really like this bit, "To me, art is a part of science, of observation—it's finding the details that define an object"
Kavinsky is totally cool. Check him out in this pic. OMG cool cool cool, they don't get much cooler than this dude. He's wearing the wayfarers that I wanted, the 80's shaped ones. His music is rad, if you have not heard it you can hear it on his myspace - http://www.myspace.com/kavinsky This dude is the total package. He is what I like in my music, cool songs, cool artwork, cool clothes, cool cool cool. I'm on cool overload right now. And Sebastian also, v. nice.
Time to start saving i guess.
Australian Tour:
Mar 2 2007 10:00P KAVINSKY/SEBASTIAN@CASSETTE PERTH
Mar 3 2007 10:00P KAVINSKY/SEBASTIAN@KILLER SYDNEY
Mar 4 2007 10:00P KAVINSKY/SEBASTIAN@BERLIN GOLD COAST
Mar 9 2007 10:00P KAVINSKY/SEBASTIAN@EMPIRE BRISBANE
Mar 10 2007 10:00P KAVINSKY/SEBASTIAN@GOLDEN PLAINS FESTIVAL VICTORIA
Mar 11 2007 10:00P KAVINSKY/SEBASTIAN@PRINCE MELBOURNE
I noticed a "BBC Brain Gender Test" in Graeme's recent Delicious bookmarks this morning which looked interesting so I decided to take the test.
Turns out my brain is straight down the middle between female and male. I pretty much thought this would be the case. Here are the results of the test.
Part 1
Angles
This task tested your ability to identify the angle of a line by matching it with its twin. This is a spatial task, which looks at how you picture space. Your score: 15 out of 20 Average score for men: 15.1 out of 20 Average score for women: 13.3 out of 20
What does your result suggest?
If you scored 0 - 12: You have more of a female brain. Scientists believe that people with a female brain find it more difficult to judge the slope of a line because they're not wired for spatial tasks. In past studies, 65 per cent of people who scored in this range were women.
If you scored 13 - 17: You found this test neither hard nor easy. This suggests your brain has male and female traits when it comes to spatial ability.
If you scored 18 - 20: You have more of a male brain. On average, men outperform women in this task and those with more mathematical knowledge tend to score quite high as well. In past studies, 60 per cent of the people in this range were men.
Interestingly, men's testosterone levels fluctuate through the seasons and studies have shown that men's scores are lower in the spring, when their testosterone levels are at their lowest.
Do our cave dwelling ancestors offer us any clues about why men and women score differently on this task?
Spot the difference
This task tested your ability to identify which objects changed position. You lost points, if you incorrectly identified objects. Your score: 64% Average score for men: 39% Average score for women: 46%
What does your score suggest?
If you scored between 0 - 33%: You may have more of a male brain. Scientists say men tend to under perform in this task. The corpus callosum, the part of the brain that links the right and left hemispheres, is a fifth larger in women. This means women can process visual and other signals at the same time more easily than men. There is also a theory that oestrogen levels in women give them an added advantage in spatial memory.
If you scored between 34 - 66%: You may have a balanced female-male brain.
If you scored between 67 - 100%: Those with a female-type brain generally score in this range. Your ability to remember where objects are may serve as an advantage to you when you're trying to find your way around places. You're more capable of recalling landmarks to get from one place to another.
Part 2
Hands
You said your left thumb was on top when you clasped your hands together.
Right thumb on top: This suggests the left half of your brain is dominant. Many studies have tried to establish whether there is a relationship between handedness and brain dominance. Some scientists believe that if you are left brain dominant, you would be more verbal and analytical.
Left thumb on top: This suggests the right half of your brain is dominant. Some studies theorise that as a right brain dominant person, you may excel in visual, spatial and intuitive processes.
However, these theories are debatable and leave much to be said about the small percentage of people who are ambidextrous.
Find out why right-brained people may be better fighters and artists.
Part 3
Emotions and Systems
This task looked at whether you prefer to empathise or systemise. Empathising
Your empathy score is: 13 out of 20 Average score for men: 7.9 out of 20 Average score for women: 10.6 out of 20
What does your result suggest?
Empathisers are better at accurately judging other people's emotions and responding appropriately. If you scored 15 and above, you are very empathic and would be an ideal person to comfort people in a time of crisis. Women in general are better at empathising.
Systemising
Your systemising score is: 9 out of 20 Average score for men: 12.5 out of 20 Average score for women: 8.0 out of 20
What does your result suggest?
Systemisers prefer to investigate how systems work. A system can be a road map, flat pack furniture, or a mathematical equation – anything that follows a set of rules. A score of 15 and above suggests you're good at analysing or building systems. Men in general are better at systemising.
Scientists are keen to learn more about people who score high or low on both tests. They want to find out whether or not empathising and systemising are linked. Is a possible to make yourself more empathic?
Some scientists claim that our empathy and systemising abilities can be traced all the way back to prehistoric times. Find out more.
Eyes
This task tested your ability to judge people's emotions. Your score: 10 out of 10 Average score for men: 6.6 out of 10 Average score for women: 6.6 out of 10
What does your result suggest?
If you scored 0 - 3: Do you think you're good at judging how another person is feeling? Your score suggests this doesn't come to you quite so naturally.
If you scored 4 - 6: Your result suggests you have a balanced female-male brain and find it neither easy nor difficult to judge people's emotions.
If you scored 7 - 10: Your result suggests you are a good empathiser, sensitive to other people's emotions. Women generally fall into this category.
Professor Baron-Cohen at the University of Cambridge says that people usually perform better than they expect to on this test.
Men often think a person's eyes are sending signals of desire when that's not the case at all. Find out more.
Part 4
Fingers
We asked you to measure your ring and index fingers. Your ratios came to: Right Hand: 0.96 Left Hand: 0.97
Average ratio for men: 0.982 Average ratio for women: 0.991
It's thought that your ratio is governed by the amount of testosterone you were exposed to in your mother's womb. The ratio of the length of your index finger to the length of your ring finger is set for life by as early as three months after conception. Even during puberty, when we experience intensive hormonal changes, the ratio stays the same.
Men generally have a ring finger that is longer than their index finger, which gives them a lower ratio than women, whose ring and index fingers are usually of equal length.
Studies have found that men and women with lots of brothers generally have more masculine finger ratios. Find out what other things scientists think our ratios may tell us.
Part 5
Faces
This task looked at how you rate the attractiveness of a series of faces. The images you looked at were digitally altered to create slight differences in masculinity.
Your choices suggest you prefer more feminine faces.
Highly masculinised male faces possess more extreme testosterone markers such as a long, broad and lower jaw, as well as more pronounced brow ridges and cheekbones.
Interestingly, women's preferences are said to vary across the menstrual phase. A more masculine face is preferred during the 9 days prior to ovulation, when conception is most likely.
A typical 'attractive' female face possesses features such as a shorter, narrower, lower jaw, fuller lips and larger eyes than an average face.
Are you surprised at what researchers think they can learn from your answers? Find out more.
Part 6
3D shapes
This task tested your ability to mentally rotate 3D shapes.
No score available. It appears you didn't complete this task. Average score for men: 8.2 out of 12 Average score for women: 7.1 out of 12
If you scored 0 - 6: Do you find yourself having to physically rotate a map to point in the direction in which you're travelling? This might explain why you scored in the lower range in the 3D shapes test. Twice as many women as men score in this category. Previous studies suggest that those with a female-type brain or with an arts background fall into this range.
If you scored 7 - 9: In past studies, 50 per cent of the people who scored in this range were women and 50 per cent were men.
If you scored 10 - 12: Are you an engineer or do you have a science background? People with these skills tend to score in this range. Past studies have concluded that people in this range have a more male brain.
Nearly a third of men who took this test got full marks, whereas less than 10 per cent of women managed the same.
Words
This task looked at your verbal fluency.
Your score: you associated 11 word(s) with grey and you named 12 word(s) that mean happy. We are assuming that all the words you entered are correct. Average score for men: 11.4 words total Average score for women: 12.4 words total
What does your result suggest?
If you produced 1 - 5 words: You are more of the strong, silent type with a male brain. You probably find it easier to express yourself in non-verbal ways, preferring action rather than words.
If you produced 6 - 10 words: Most people in this range have a female-type brain.
Women are said to use both sides of the brain when doing verbal tasks while men mainly use their left side. Studies have shown that girls develop vocabulary faster than boys. This difference in brain power is caused by levels of pre-natal testosterone. Find out more .
Ultimatum
This task asked you how you would divide money.
If you had to split £50 with someone, you said you would demand £25
So far on the Sex ID test, men have demanded 51.6% (£25.80) of the pot and women have demanded 51.0% (£25.50), on average.
What does your response suggest?
Sex differences are small in this task. Demanding less than 60% of the pot (ie £30) is more typically female. Demanding more than 65% of the pot (ie £32.50) is more typically male.
Scientists believe that people with lower testosterone levels tend to take fewer risks so they are probably more willing to keep less for themselves. Those with higher testosterone levels tend to drive a harder bargain and are less compromising.
Men's testosterone levels fluctuate over the seasons and are at their lowest levels during the springtime. This is said to influence their bargaining power. Find out more about the role of testosterone.
Woke up today fairly rested; which is always pleasant. Had toast for breakfast; which is often pleasant.... sometimes its too dry for the morning and it gets stuck in my throat/stomach passage.
Today Dan told Chris and myself about this energy drink which his housemate had the day before which kicks ass; the biggest buzz ever apparently; his housemate was amped ALL day and all NIGHT from it, talking 100 words per second he was. Dan and myself decided to check the servo today at lunch on the off chance that they were stocking it and as fate would have it; they HAD IT. This energy drink is called "Mother".
Learn this pic
I had $-17 (minus 17) dollars in my bank account, sms banking verified this so Dan generously offered to get me one. The drink cost $2.80 and was the same size as a v can. The drink tasted a bit like sarsbarella and the effects were felt almost immediately. The feeling this "Mother" gave me was unlike anything i have ever felt in another energy drink. My thoughts were many and thinking seemed to be sped up, i was following Dan and Chris' conversation and wanting to say whatever popped into my head that was vaguely in line with what they were talking about. They were talking so slow i remember thinking. "This is kinda like the first stages of being drunk", i thought to myself. I went back to work and noticed that everyone was on a different level than me. So i had to be "quiet" as to not disturb the normals. Dan, i shouted over the dividing walls... YEP... THIS STUFF RULES... HAVE IT... HAVE IT.... so yes, if you ever see it in the store, go get yourself some "Mother" energy drink. It's made by Coca-Cola and is suprisingly low in...... something... kilojoules maybe? It has this stuff called, "Açaí" I did feel a bit of a come down.. a low after the immense high but the high makes it worth it. Dan on the other hand was amped ALL DAY off of it, no low for him so it must affect different people differently. I've got one waiting for me in the fridge right now but am choosing against it as I'm pretty tired already and that will keep me up.
Oh yeah, another thing worth posting about is I finally acquired "Idiocracy" Mike Judge's latest movie. It is really funny and smart and a great satire. I'm not going to go into detail explaining the plot, if you want a synopsis check out IMDB or google it. I will say that the president is great in it, so is the main character (luke wilson) and so is the main dumb character. Some really funny scenes. Go track it down and watch it. if bt'ing it, make sure you check out the comments as the first time I went to dl it, it got stuck at 97% and was a fake.
LOVE LIST
- Primadonna - Flashing on the Floor (mp3) - Idiocracy - New energy drink called "Mother" - Lemon Gelati - OMG OMG OMG - Latest PSP Firmware - Visualisations in music player.. yes!!!
HATE LIST
- This poster advertising the movie "Dreamgirls" I pass everyday on the way to work, I hate it.. i don't know why. - Not having milk in the fridge
*slaps self in face* this post is full of tangents and trains of thought.
I have been thinking about this quote I read a yr ago in 'the skateboard mag', some skater said, "You are the person you feel you are. If you feel like shit, you're going to be shit". Does this apply to everyone tho? Some people are more "feelings based" than others. Other people prefer to function from thinking. In my case, my "thinking" is highly affected by my feelings. This quote is pretty true for me I'd say. Like today for example, first day back at work after the holidays. I "felt" so stupid today, it was hard to focus on things, my head was cloudy. What helped get me back into it was concentrating really hard when trying to learn some php functions. I felt better after that. Hmmm the thing I'm trying to work out is, fuck! Feelings get in the way again. If i feel dumb, i act dumb, like today I found myself acting dumb because I felt dumb. And other times too, if i feel smart, I'll think clearer and better and smarter. This statement has been proven enough times for me to discredit it as a personal view point.
Then theres this other thing which I think about a bit which i relate to the above feelings = thoughts. If i am to believe the "law" of attraction, it states that what you think and feel about most, you create in your life. So if i believe this, then I will say and think to myself that feeling dumb will make me think dumb. It's like say if you are feeling really scared, you are not, at that moment thinking thoughts like, "i am safe", "theres no reason to feel scared", "i am invincible!!!". Emotions cloud this judgment. And when say, you are feeling confident, you think confident thoughts. Feelings affect thoughts. But also the other way round. The law of attraction says that your current feelings and thoughts about your life & your mental images are going to produce whatever you are thinking about.
Tangent Warning: induced by the word "law" in the law of attraction. Lets look at what, in scientific terms, a law is. Before I go into descriptions I will say that I am not sure if "The Law of Attraction" is a scientifically proven law. If someone knows the answer to this can they please comment and let me know. Like i said, this is train of thought posting. This tangent into explaining the scientific method came about by me mentioning the law of attraction and then me thinking about things i have been reading lately about the scientific method.
In terms of the "Scientific Method", which is a method that allows a person to possess, with the highest degree of certainty possible, reliable knowledge (justified true belief) about nature. In terms of the scientific method, we start off with a "hypothesis". A hypothesis is a logical but unproven explanation for a given set of facts. Next we have a "theory". Now the scientific definition of the word "theory" differs from a lay persons definition of the word "theory" which could be said to be, "an unproven and untested guess.'' In scientific terms however, a "theory" is much more than just a guess, it is a hypothesis which has been tested numerous times and found to explain previous observations and make accurate predictions about future observations. It means that enough different people have tested the theory experimentally in "enough'' different ways that we can be reasonably sure that the theory is correct. The last stage is a "Law". Laws in scientific terms are theories which have been extensively tested and have never been dis proven in any test. An example is "hot objects in a cool room will become cool over time unless they have an input of heat from some source.''
Some scientific theories include the theory of evolution, the theory of relativity, and the quantum theory. All of these theories are well documented and proved beyond reasonable doubt. Yet scientists continue to tinker with the component hypotheses of each theory in an attempt to make them more elegant and concise, or to make them more all-encompassing. Theories can be tweaked, but they are seldom, if ever, entirely replaced. - original source
So is the law of attraction a proven law? I have watched "What the bleep do we know", "What the bleep 2" and "The Secret", which has shown scientific experiments where thought has affected matter and have tested the law of attraction but I am not 100% sure it is a definite, proven, scientific law?. The law of attraction seems New Agey, pffft i don't know, I feel like I'm being kooky if i believe or talk about it. But hey, you may have just learned about the scientific method if you hadn't already known about it beforehand.
Some more thoughts which I have been thinking about lately follow.
I feel a lot. I am highly affected and sensitive to my surroundings, people, music, images. I enjoy things which involve feeling. I love peoples' emotional reactions to things. I like making people feel and get along with "feeling" people instantly. I looooove to think about people and try and form connections in my head with things. Growing up I did not know how to best "deal" with this as It's not the normal way a guy operates, guys are "normally" logical, unemotional and hard. So I tried to deny this and only became miserable doing so. "Happy as a Hippo" - Along Came Poly
But I also think alot... alot. I am highly critical and analytical also. I love organisation and I can generally switch between thinking and feeling, logic and emotion. I want to be rounded in these things not just dominant in one area. At the moment I'm trying to improve my logic, un-biased, scientifically minded side. I need to get past laziness and un-realistic thoughts to improve in this area. More data, more learning is needed.
I saw my first animated favicon today. Check it out in firefox - http://www.macenstein.com/default/ This made me excited but this is as far as i took it.
I keep thinking, maybe due to my feeling dumb at the moment (so i have dumb thoughts about myself). Well, no i think that oh cool I found this animated favicon but i stop there; whereas someone more geeky or technically minded might explore it more, test if it worked in Internet Explorer(it doesn't in my IE6), why it worked, if you should actually use it etc.. but i just don't really care about the answers that much. I need to work at this. I know that if I wanted I could do it though, its just a matter of asking yourself more questions until you find a solution.
I'm really wanting to learn php and would looooove to be a programmer, even though it will take a LOT of work to be a really good programmer. I really want to know this stuff as it would make me feel smart and It would help with getting jobs in the future. On the other hand, drawing and creative stuff comes ALOT easier to me. Due to feelings based mostly i put it down to, the right brained emotional side of the brain dominating things... mostly. What to do, what to do.
I worked out yesterday that when i have a nightmare, the reason behind my nightmare is this. In the nightmare, something will happen and I KNOW i have no control over what is about to happen and that is the scariest thing. Anyway, yesterday I made the connection that this is a representation of a feeling I can't escape or control. It encompasses me and I am powerless. In my dreams i am pretty much lucid all the time and this i have put down to the realisation that everything external that happens to me in a dream, I control. Back to the law of attraction again, this is what this states, that whatever happens in our life, we have attracted it to us.
Every day I try and hunt down clues to fill the holes in knowledge, to try and find truth, to challenge pre-conceived notions, to find the best methods. Theres so much to learn. The scientific method and way of looking at things rationally, logically and being proven by many sources really appeals to me. I want to have an accurate perception of reality but also cringe at being so "sure" about something as I may not have all the data form all sides, I could be wrong. I can only work from what I know now and make decisions and calls based on what i know at this present moment. This whole blog serves as a way to try and organise my thoughts and put ideas up against each other so that I may come out with a better idea of what I actually do think about things. It's not really about if I'm right or wrong or if you agree or disagree with these things, these are my personal experiences, thoughts and feelings written down to try and understand them better.
